A good stapler is hard to find. I moved to a new office recently and in the box of crap from my old diggs my stapler went away without leave. But don’t get me wrong, it was not a good stapler. It was horrible. It never worked right. Good . . . → Read More: I believe I have no stapler]]>

A good stapler is hard to find. I moved to a new office recently and in the box of crap from my old diggs my stapler went away without leave. But don’t get me wrong, it was not a good stapler. It was horrible. It never worked right. Good riddence to the decrepit bastard!

Come to think of it, I don’t think I have ever owned a good stapler. Does one even exist?  All the ones I have ever owned could never get the first staple job done right. I get sheets of paper, staple it <wonk!> it is all crooked and warped on one end while the other side got through fine … as if they talk to each other saying, “You idiot! We work together on this! You go through the paper, then you turn.” And the crooked side says, “Oh frag, I think I’m dead!”

That one side gets so mangled that you have to remove them with the office version of the “jaws of life.” (see photo above) Yeah, this wrinkled up staple business is such a problem someone (someone probably other than the inventor of the stapler) had to invent the staple remover. Now you have to own both to be productive.

In the same line of thinking, I got a new swanky cell phone and of course I need a case for it. Why? Because you might drop it and a case would protect it from breaking. Well, I never dropped the phone once until I bought the case! Within an hour of walking out of the store with the case and its included belt clip, I dropped it four times! Good thing I got the case–darn extras.

I digress. Once you get the staple out it is time to try again. Often the second attempt proves successful. But why oh why did not the first staple work?! I guess the paper got softened up–like someone trying to open the pickle jar and can’t, but the next person opens it with one turn. Yes, the first person loosed it.

Why should I even use a stapler? I’m trying to be “green” and trying to push the recycled envelope toward a “paperless society.” Therefore, we could have a staple-less society and use those staple removers as office gargoyles.

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