It is nice to be loved. It is nice to get surprises. It is nice to know someone is thinking of you. This note was on my desk this morning:

Todd,

Since I know how much you love yams, I brought the biggest one from . . . → Read More: It came from outer space]]>

It is nice to be loved. It is nice to get surprises. It is nice to know someone is thinking of you. This note was on my desk this morning:

Todd,

Since I know how much you love yams, I brought the biggest one from my garden.

A. friend

Aww. How nice.

This thing must have come from Texas. Or maybe it was originally from Area 51 thought to be a radioactive meteor. Nope. This was from one of my friend’s garden which begs the question, “What the hell is this garden popping, ThermoGain?” What’s growing next to the asteroid yams, caveman club zucchini?

Thanks to whoever it was that thought of me and gave me this surprise. I have been laughing my ass off all day. But, what am I going to do with it?

This monster is big enough to feed the inhabitants of a small town; too bad the next day they will die of food poisoning.

This, from the makers of the new Aquafina, now with moisture!

“Vegetarian beans” is redundant. I realize that many refried beans are made with lard (mmm) which necessitates such a disclaimer. But in their proper context, of all the veggies out there, beans should be the veggie . . . → Read More: Veggie Beans?]]>

This, from the makers of the new Aquafina, now with moisture!

“Vegetarian beans” is redundant. I realize that many refried beans are made with lard (mmm) which necessitates such a disclaimer. But in their proper context, of all the veggies out there, beans should be the veggie most dependable to simply be nothing more than frikkin’ vegetables!

Since my old blog, Todd Man Out, got wiped, this is one post I wanted to bring back from the dead. It’s a keepsake. I had a quick discussion about yams today and how they are different from sweet potatoes. True or not, it makes no difference in my level . . . → Read More: The Yam Song]]>

Since my old blog, Todd Man Out, got wiped, this is one post I wanted to bring back from the dead. It’s a keepsake. I had a quick discussion about yams today and how they are different from sweet potatoes. True or not, it makes no difference in my level of disgust for them. So, let’s do this one more time:

The Yam Song

I love to eat some chocolate chips
And smack them on my lips
I love the way that Whoppers taste
I eat them fast, in haste

Honey Buns are good with glaze
Sends me in a daze
Rolls of Cake, from Swiss they come
Makes a dinner done

Taco supper is the best
Beats out all the rest
But, a certain veggie invades my feast
To which I’d rather drink some grease

It grows inside the ground below
Not a friend, a dreaded foe
Disguised in name and shape and look
To something that is normally cooked

It’s pulled from Earth to torture kids
And those who never tell a fib
It’s not a steak, an egg, or ham
But goes by the name, the disgusting YAM

Don’t say that word, oh please do hush
It’s another word for barfy mush
It’s sometimes called a Sweet Potato
Don’t be fooled, that ain’t no tater

It’s hardly “sweet” in all that gunk
Nor is it a “potato,” yams are junk
Taters are white and made to French fry
Yams are orange, same as puke pie

But oh my sweet tongue, the worst thing of all
The awful thing I wish not to recall
Is when they serve it, with things they think dandy
And make the impossible claim
“It tastes like candy”

So keep your yams away from me
Content without them is what I’ll be
Don’t ask if I like them, to that I’ll say
“YAMS ARE POISON, SO KEEP THEM AWAY!”