Toy stores … there used to be one for every mall. Now, where are they? I was at a (sarcasm starts) brilliant mall today called Fayette Mall (yeah, you know it - and no, no link to it) and they have a really cool little indoor playground with those big rubbery things kids can climb on and efficiently spread germs. But NO toy store. I guess the playground is there to distract kids of this fact.

The mall in my local town just closed its toy store, one that had been there from its opening over 20 years ago. To me, it’s no longer a mall anymore. If a mall doesn’t have a toy store, it’s not a real mall. But where have all the toy stores gone? The mall’s answers:

1. No room … bull crappy malarky - at Fayette I was flabbergasted when on my right was an Abercrombie & Fitch (I guess it’s all clothes in there, dunno - instead of window displays they have blinds - ooo what’s next? A freakin’ bouncer?) … and on my left was an Abercrombie. Huh? Did they split up? Are they competing? Where’s the Fitch store? Nobody likes him? (or her?) What is the point of this repitition? I feel like Montgomery Burns on The Simpsons when he encountered ketchup and catsup. This is like having a KFC across from a Lee’s Chicken - like having a Logan’s Steakhouse across from a Texas Roadhouse - or a Taco Bell next to a toxic waste dump. Do we really need something as stupid as this classified as a paradox?
2. Go to Target for your piddly toys … unless you’re in my town, go to Wal-Mart.
3. Go to Toys R Us … if you can find one (and if you do, find how to get to their parking lot - all of them seem elusive like trying to exit a casino).
4. Go to the Disney Store, there are toys there … well, um, ok, yeah …
5. We need another Limited Too, Also … sheesh we’re not lacking in clothes in society are we? It’s like looking at those car dealerships - do they really sell all those cars?

Who knows why the toy stores have left the mall. I guess they just weren’t cool enough - but that’s what made them cool.